Death has made me a new woman. Obviously, not my death, but that of my brother. My baby brother. Mark Torcasso, who passed away on February 14th of this year after six long years living with Merkel Cell Carcinoma, a very rare and very deadly form of skin cancer. I will spare you a grieving sister’s laments and instead remind you to use sunscreen and cover up. And to love your family with all your heart and soul while you have them here with you. But should you desire to read a grieving sister’s laments, you’ll be able  soon enough because I wrote about the experience in an essay, titled “The Living and the Telling” which will be appearing in Sunstone sometime in the future. Not quite sure how I got myself to sit down and write that essay when, to be frank, writing was the last thing I wanted to do for quite a while after Mark’s funeral. But I did.  I forced myself to write it  and then forced myself to submit it to Sunstone‘s England essay contest, which, yes, is judged blindly and out-of-house, so I am an eligible contestant. Writing that essay jarred me back into both writing and editing.

Mark on his 40th, just a few months before diagnosis

I’ve finished my work on the coming edition of Irreantum and, with a sad feeling in the pit of my stomach, have left the staff, but I will remain working with fiction at Sunstone. Editor Stephen Carter tells me he received funding to add a special fiction edition sometime this year, which will include stories by Courtney Miller Santo (author of newly released The Roots of the Olive Tree), Larry Menlove, Brett Wilcox, Heidi Naylor,  and Josh Allen, whose story (“How They Get You”) is a hoot. Stephen’s got a short-short by PD Mallamo slated for the next edition. Its so much fun to “meet” and work with all the talented writers I’ve been able to, thanks to my positions as fiction editor. Its just astounding what I learn from each one of them.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about returning to the blogosphere for several weeks, even opened this blog and tried to remember what it was I was writing that I thought so darn important. Well, if not important, than relevant. I seem to be stuck in that strange space between melancholy and moving on. So today I write here to push myself forward. Oh, I’ve been editing, I’ve even done some writing, but I’ve not been thinking. I need to keep thinking.  This is a short post, just something to wet my feet again, but I’ll dive in soon. Probably tomorrow. When my brain decides to revisit some of the topics I had wanted to finish discussing, I’ll get back to them. But right now, I’m going to stop rambling and start writing my next post. Gotta see if I can turn the brain on…


1 Comment

Filed under Me and Mine

One response to “Pause

  1. Glad you’re back in the ether and I can’t wait to read “The Living and the Telling.”

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